Saturday, July 15, 2006
Unbreak my heart...
For some reason that song just speaks to me right now. I spent my 4th wedding anniversary driving yss10 to Reno to check him into a residential treatment program. This boy has been such a joy and a sorrow to us. He has so much potential, yet seems to be ruled by the influence of others, the ex, and his other issues. DH and I met with the psychiatrist briefly and he put DH's fears at rest. I know that they whole staff there is there to help him. I just hope and pray that this is the thing that turns him around. In the meantime, leaving him there was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. This isn't even "my kid" yet it broke my heart to leave him. How in the heck did I get so attached to these kids anyway? Who gave them permission to steal a part of my heart? Just goes to show that even if it's not "your kid" it doesn't mean that you don't love them and that you don't want to do whatever is necessary for them. So we go forward...
We have no kids at home right now. My three are with their Dad's most of the time because of the proximity to their jobs. DH's other two are out in CA with their mother, I'm sure being brain washed into her version of reality. So we're having some adjustment issues... we're alone, now what?!?! Then the funny thing is that we're still doing "kid stuff". DH is out today doing a picnic that is a fundraiser for the band (ysd is still supposed to be in this year). I'm still doing the books for the band. Just seems like even when we're "free" we're not really. Go figure huh?
My brother is still going through his own personal hell. He's fired his divorce atty and hired a new one, but it has meant that the process has been delayed from August to November for any kind of closure. I so wish I could make his soon to be ex wife see how much damage she is doing to their kids. While I'm far from perfect, I do have to say that the relationship between my xh and I is one that I'm proud of. We've worked a lot to be sure that our kids come first and our personal feelings stay just that, personal, and don't effect how we parent our kids or look after their needs. This whole thing of demonizing by brother and making him a horrible person simply because he was unhappy in his marriage is crap. This woman is far from perfect and should stop throwing stones. I've never met anyone who was so controling of her children and husband and how she was percieved. I just wish that she could do what is in the kids best interest and step back from her anger over the loss of control over my brother. *sigh* Best of intentions huh?
Otherwise the family seems to be as normal as ever. Far flung and close to home and heart and all that jazz. The whole thing of "joy wouldn't be as sweet if you never knew pain" just sucks. I wish that there was a LOT more joy in life for all of them. (And dang there's a lot of them! LOL)
So there's the latest update... it's a bit bitter sweet to be honest, but what in my life hasn't been bittersweet??
We have no kids at home right now. My three are with their Dad's most of the time because of the proximity to their jobs. DH's other two are out in CA with their mother, I'm sure being brain washed into her version of reality. So we're having some adjustment issues... we're alone, now what?!?! Then the funny thing is that we're still doing "kid stuff". DH is out today doing a picnic that is a fundraiser for the band (ysd is still supposed to be in this year). I'm still doing the books for the band. Just seems like even when we're "free" we're not really.
My brother is still going through his own personal hell. He's fired his divorce atty and hired a new one, but it has meant that the process has been delayed from August to November for any kind of closure. I so wish I could make his soon to be ex wife see how much damage she is doing to their kids. While I'm far from perfect, I do have to say that the relationship between my xh and I is one that I'm proud of. We've worked a lot to be sure that our kids come first and our personal feelings stay just that, personal, and don't effect how we parent our kids or look after their needs. This whole thing of demonizing by brother and making him a horrible person simply because he was unhappy in his marriage is crap. This woman is far from perfect and should stop throwing stones. I've never met anyone who was so controling of her children and husband and how she was percieved. I just wish that she could do what is in the kids best interest and step back from her anger over the loss of control over my brother. *sigh* Best of intentions huh?
Otherwise the family seems to be as normal as ever. Far flung and close to home and heart and all that jazz. The whole thing of "joy wouldn't be as sweet if you never knew pain" just sucks. I wish that there was a LOT more joy in life for all of them. (And dang there's a lot of them! LOL)
So there's the latest update... it's a bit bitter sweet to be honest, but what in my life hasn't been bittersweet??
# posted by WESM : 1:23 PM
