Thursday, May 27, 2004
Bad Vibes
So in talking with friends it came to my attention that the universe is going through a major bad vibe right now. In other words, a bumpy ride that won't be so nice. So can I stop and get off now?? Along that road... seems like another day in the "red headed step child" saga.
Who was the genius who decided that teenagers were "emancipated" at 18 anyway?? They're still in High School. They're still legally their parents responsibility. What the heck were they thinkin'?? So it seems that lovely osd is now emailing her father that she's not sure that she wants us at her graduation. She has issues with the fact that dad wasn't able to meet with her exactly when she wanted to. We won't mention that dad had a scout committee meeting that day, or that he had to drive 45 mins to get to where she lives with her aunt, or that when he did arrive that she was too busy doing homework to meet with him for the time he had left... oh... guess I did mention it. This child! And I say that with all the loving feeling of a step-mother who is fed up. She wants daddy to do whatever she wants when she wants it. Narcissism is Us should be tatooed on her forehead. So now, when dad presses for information about school, about graduation, she says "I'm mad at you and need to talk before I can make an importan decision like this." WHAT?!?! You want to punish your father, just come out and say it. You've never liked that he and I married. You've never liked that he didn't have the money to grant your every whim and desire. You really didn't like that he wouldn't sign the DMV forms accepting liability for your hiney when you weren't even living with him! Tough twookies baby! Life isn't easy, and it sure hasn't been easy on your Dad. Do you have any idea how much crap he went through and protected you from during his divorce? Do you realize how he's worked himself until he's physically and mentally exhausted to keep your family financially above water? He worked 3 jobs while your mother was out forging perscriptions, stealing money, lying to the welfare agency saying she was abandoned, and ultimately while she was sitting in jail for DUI, which she got with your two little brothers in the car!! He has done everything he could to give you a stable home. He worked to get out of the $25,000 of credit card debt plus all of the repossesed cars and other crap your mother created so that he could finally purchase a home. You missed out on the drama when dad and mom couldn't qualify for a home loan because mom leased a car the week before that they couldn't afford. You missed out on the argument from mom about buying YOU clothes because you wanted them and charging them on a credit card because it didn't matter, they were going to declare bankruptcy the next day anyway. Your dad has standard and a personal code of honor that most would kill for. Your dad has worked and worked to be in the position he is in where he only HAS to work ONE job to support his family. He's sacrificed and put off buying and getting what he wants in order that you and your sibs could have what you NEED. See you don't see any of this because you have no idea what the word sacrifice means. It means baby girl, that you don't punish someone because they didn't do what YOU wanted. I pity you honestly. I pity that you are willing to sacrifice the relationship with your father over petty things. I pity that you are willing to actually believe that your father doesn't care for you. I pity that you feel that you must choose sides in your family.
My hope for you dear is that you do graduate. That you walk the aisle, the stage, or whatever the formal location is that signifies that you are a graduate. I then hope that you move on with your life, and maybe, just maybe, at some point, that you regret locking out and ignoring those in your life who really do love and care about you, simply because of your petty histrionics. I also hope that you realize that you are forever welcome in our home and that some day you'll realize that I wasn't competing for your dad's attention or love. Dad has all the love you could ever need for you babe... I could never change that. You are his daughter. I am his wife. One day I'm sure that you and your bf will decide to get married and you'll learn that lesson. I just hope that it doesn't take multiple trips down the same bad road for you to actually get it.
So this became more of a vent than anything... ::sigh:: Well I feel better so I guess it served a purpose.
More later...
Who was the genius who decided that teenagers were "emancipated" at 18 anyway?? They're still in High School. They're still legally their parents responsibility. What the heck were they thinkin'?? So it seems that lovely osd is now emailing her father that she's not sure that she wants us at her graduation. She has issues with the fact that dad wasn't able to meet with her exactly when she wanted to. We won't mention that dad had a scout committee meeting that day, or that he had to drive 45 mins to get to where she lives with her aunt, or that when he did arrive that she was too busy doing homework to meet with him for the time he had left... oh... guess I did mention it. This child! And I say that with all the loving feeling of a step-mother who is fed up. She wants daddy to do whatever she wants when she wants it. Narcissism is Us should be tatooed on her forehead. So now, when dad presses for information about school, about graduation, she says "I'm mad at you and need to talk before I can make an importan decision like this." WHAT?!?! You want to punish your father, just come out and say it. You've never liked that he and I married. You've never liked that he didn't have the money to grant your every whim and desire. You really didn't like that he wouldn't sign the DMV forms accepting liability for your hiney when you weren't even living with him! Tough twookies baby! Life isn't easy, and it sure hasn't been easy on your Dad. Do you have any idea how much crap he went through and protected you from during his divorce? Do you realize how he's worked himself until he's physically and mentally exhausted to keep your family financially above water? He worked 3 jobs while your mother was out forging perscriptions, stealing money, lying to the welfare agency saying she was abandoned, and ultimately while she was sitting in jail for DUI, which she got with your two little brothers in the car!! He has done everything he could to give you a stable home. He worked to get out of the $25,000 of credit card debt plus all of the repossesed cars and other crap your mother created so that he could finally purchase a home. You missed out on the drama when dad and mom couldn't qualify for a home loan because mom leased a car the week before that they couldn't afford. You missed out on the argument from mom about buying YOU clothes because you wanted them and charging them on a credit card because it didn't matter, they were going to declare bankruptcy the next day anyway. Your dad has standard and a personal code of honor that most would kill for. Your dad has worked and worked to be in the position he is in where he only HAS to work ONE job to support his family. He's sacrificed and put off buying and getting what he wants in order that you and your sibs could have what you NEED. See you don't see any of this because you have no idea what the word sacrifice means. It means baby girl, that you don't punish someone because they didn't do what YOU wanted. I pity you honestly. I pity that you are willing to sacrifice the relationship with your father over petty things. I pity that you are willing to actually believe that your father doesn't care for you. I pity that you feel that you must choose sides in your family.
My hope for you dear is that you do graduate. That you walk the aisle, the stage, or whatever the formal location is that signifies that you are a graduate. I then hope that you move on with your life, and maybe, just maybe, at some point, that you regret locking out and ignoring those in your life who really do love and care about you, simply because of your petty histrionics. I also hope that you realize that you are forever welcome in our home and that some day you'll realize that I wasn't competing for your dad's attention or love. Dad has all the love you could ever need for you babe... I could never change that. You are his daughter. I am his wife. One day I'm sure that you and your bf will decide to get married and you'll learn that lesson. I just hope that it doesn't take multiple trips down the same bad road for you to actually get it.
So this became more of a vent than anything... ::sigh:: Well I feel better so I guess it served a purpose.
More later...
# posted by WESM : 4:14 PM
Comments:
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See? Now weren't we right? You feel better. Listen Sis, you hang in there. Sometimes they actually become human a few years down the road and you get to have an actual relationship with them. Sometimes, it doesn't happen, but you can console yourself that you tried. It's all anyone can do, try.
Been there, done that, with the 18 yr old still in H.S. Hell, I use to be one. I remember what I put Mom through. Self Centered R US. My youngest is only now turning human ~grin~ and it was a trip.
You both are doing the right thing. Leave the line of communication open but dont let her walk all over you. It's hard, it hurts and you run the whole spectrum of emotions. No one said raising kids was easy, another thing Mom forgot to tell me. Love ya.
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Been there, done that, with the 18 yr old still in H.S. Hell, I use to be one. I remember what I put Mom through. Self Centered R US. My youngest is only now turning human ~grin~ and it was a trip.
You both are doing the right thing. Leave the line of communication open but dont let her walk all over you. It's hard, it hurts and you run the whole spectrum of emotions. No one said raising kids was easy, another thing Mom forgot to tell me. Love ya.
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